Clean Up In Aisle 5

Today was just one of those blah days. The toddler getting up at 4:45 a.m. pretty much set the tone. We finally fell back to sleep, only to OVER-sleep and have to do the mad dash to get to school in time. And for some reason my hair today is so flat, it looks painted on. I’m bloated, cranky and feeling pudgy.

Driving home in the rain from preschool drop off, I pulled up beside a car at a stop sign. I glanced over to see a man, about my age, crying behind the wheel. It startled me. I shudder to think what horrible event has occurred in his life to cause him such grief. I’ve been thinking about him all day.

This afternoon I went to Wal-Mart. I HATE Wal-Mart and avoid shopping there at all costs. It’s not that I think I’m too good for Wal-Mart. I understand there are deals to be had there but I prefer to shop at independent markets to support our local community. Today, I was lazy. Sorry local community! So with the toddler in tow, I went to Wal-Mart to buy a baby gate. Since I was already there, I decided to buy a few groceries. The toddler started yelling. Shrilly. I caved and bought her a juice box which she promptly squeezed, dousing me with sticky apple juice. I reprimanded her sharply and looked up to see a woman, giving me a disapproving stare. I wanted to ram her in the shins with my cart.

Instead, I pondered the chicken. Wal-mart meat? This cannot be a good thing. I continued to shop, scanning the aisles wildly for the packet of Ranch Dip I needed for next week’s Thirsty Thursday recipe. I looked in the salad dressing aisle. No powdered ranch mix. The toddler was practically hoarse from screaming so to speed things up, I asked a girl in a blue smock for help. “Ranch dip? Ya. No. I have no idea where that is. I’m from bakery.” Thanks. So very helpful. Screw the ranch dip then. I’d get it from a REAL grocery store.

As I headed toward the checkout I heard a woman speaking to her son. I recognized her voice immediately. It took a moment to place her, but she was definitely a girl I worked with 20 years ago. On any other day, I would’ve gone up to her and asked what she had been up to? Any other day. Today, because of my pancake hair, the scary shadows under my eyes, my too-tight pants and unruly child...I kept walking. I am so pissed at myself for doing that. I want a do-over. Now I’ll never know how her life turned out. Vain dumbass.

I lined up at the cashier, bypassing the self-checkout. The toddler and I always choose the self-check. She LOVES using the scanner and naming the various things we’re buying. It just wasn’t in me today. Bad, lazy mummy. The toddler added a pack of gum, a box of razors and a lighter to the cart. I’m wise to her tricks however and spotted these additions immediately and put them back on the shelf (I could ream off a dozen past items I did NOT catch in time). I hate those little dinky trinkets that line the check-out aisle to temp little fingers. Another great reason to go through the self-check!

As I bagged the groceries, I eavesdropped on the angry man behind me complaining to the Customer Service Manager about some mouldy food item he was trying to return. He was in quite a state. The toddler even stopped pilfering the chocolate bars, hair elastics and batteries to listen in. And then, before I could stop her, she reached over, dug her tiny hand into the man’s back pocket and pulled the silky lining out. Then she gave his right bum cheek a little pat. He turned around and looked at her and then at me. “Ya. She’s a pick-pocket,” I told him straight faced. “It’s what we do.” I kept bagging my groceries. He burst out laughing and so did the formerly terse store manager. Suddenly, my day was a little less blah...

I said I would only blog about Swine Flu once and not contribute to the H1N1 hysteria. However, I thought I could hopefully provide some comfort.

The issue whether to vaccinate has been a ridiculous mess. Conflicting information, wrong information, no information. Enough said about that. We decided not to give our children the H1N1 vaccine and there were many contributing factors to this decision:

* The questions surrounding the “safety” and efficacy of the shot.

* Many people who have already had the virus reported its symptoms are mild. I know, but what if “we” are the exception? Trust me, I’ve wrestled with that.

* We wondered if getting this flu and thereby gaining some natural immunity for the future might be wise? I have concerns about over vaccinating our children so their immune systems never get a chance to “learn” how to defend their host. Please don’t misunderstand, we DO vaccinate our children for many diseases; Meningitis, MMR, etc. but have concerns about flu vaccines specifically.

* Finally, and here’s the big one. As part of our 3 year old daughter’s genetic disorder, we know that there is a chance - maybe next year, maybe in 30 years, maybe never (please, please let it be the last one) she will be faced with a serious neuromuscular disease. The thought of me, her mother, the person who is supposed to protect her, allowing the injection of a neurotoxin that could potentially kick start a dormant disease... No. Friggin. Way.

It turns out all of the research and questioning and searching for answers and sleepless nights was a waste of time. We got the flu before the vaccine was even offered.

People, including children, have died from Swine Flu and that is terrifying. However, MOST people, including my family were and ARE fine.

My six year old son became ill first. His worse symptom was lack of appetite and fever for two nights. If you were to ask him, the worst part was extreme boredom. Apparently there is “nothing to do in our house.” Who knew? I kind of feel like there’s too much to be done around here...

The three year old got it two days later. How would this girl, so compromised and little survive this? She was fine. Tamiflu and Tylenol and she was happy as could be. The forth day in, she woke with a cough that worsened throughout the day. She also had several episodes of sleep apnea the night before. That scared the hell out of me, but only in light of what I had been reading about respiratory conditions related to H1N1 and DEATH. I got a caught up in the fear. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve treated her at home with confidence. Instead, my husband took her to a walk-in clinic. As soon as he mentioned breathing issues, they sent them to the ER. I appreciate their cautious approach but it meant twelve hours in a germy hospital. I was forced to stay at home, wringing my hands (and watching America’s Next Top Model...What? I needed a distraction!) as I had come down with the virus as well. They were sent home the next morning. No signs of respiratory issues. Today, she is absolutely fine. Back to normal. Feisty as ever.

I’m not a good sick person. I deny that I’m even ill until I pass out or vomit in my shoe. This time there was no denying it. I was indeed sick. Headache, tired muscles and a HIGH fever. I was really sick for one night only – fever, chills. After that, I was just tired. I would take this flu over a stomach bug or snotty cold that drags on forever any day. I’m not implying that I enjoyed having the Swine Flu but, I did enjoy:

* Co-Sleeping with my children. Such a special bonding experience. The night I adjusted my baby girl’s blanket and she rolled over and smiled at me and said, “Love you mummy” and stroked my cheek? C’mon, that’s a memory I’ll treasure forever. A fever of 104.5 is a small price to pay.

* Letting hubby take control and take care of “the infected” as he so lovingly referred to us. Usually I’m the care taker. Sometimes it’s nice to let somebody else look after things and that would NEVER have happened if I wasn’t stuck in bed.

* I read a book! A whole book!! I haven’t managed to read a book from cover to cover in years! I flipped through mags, watched trashy t.v. shows online, talked on the phone. That part was bliss. Sweaty. But blissful.

I’m here to bear witness that the Swine Flu is not as horrid as the media is making it out to be. Any new viral strain is worrisome and precautions should be taken. However, if you intended to get vaccinated but because of the POOR PLANNING AND STUPIFYING STUPIDITY OF THE POWERS THAT BE* you are unable to do so, please take comfort in the fact that we’ve been through it and in our experience, it was no more severe than any other seasonal flu.

*IF I DID intend to vaccinate my 3 year old HIGH RISK child, I would be so pissed right now. The fact that they were vaccinating everyone and their uncle when the initial vaccine was intended for HIGH RISK people only, astounds me. What were they thinking??

Don’t They Make Family Sized Bubbles (like the one from the movie “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble?”)

Flu season sucks.
Flu season as a parent sucks even more.
Flu season as a parent of a child with epilepsy and underlying neurological disorders with a potential deadly pandemic thrown in, sucks beyond words.

I’m not even going to delve into the whole H1N1 situation. I can’t. If I do, my head may actually explode.

Last year, our whole family got the seasonal flu shot. This year, we are not. Why? For starters, the scary accelerants and other assorted shit they put in those things leaves me feeling queasier than when I had that nasty case of gastroenteritis last year (yes, the same season I had a flu shot). Besides, it looks like my children already have the flu....which strain will remain unknown as doctors have stopped taking swabs. Apparently the labs can’t keep up with the cost and time required to test for H1N1 so, they don't. But if it walks like a pig and oinks like a pig, chances are it’s Swine Flu.

I am as confused as any other parent right now and really have no advice to offer other than this: If you DO plan to vaccinate your child this season, don’t make the mistakes I made.

Here’s what I did last year:
Before we headed to the doctor, I really upsold the shot. “Nooooo. The SHOT won’t hurt AT ALL. See this syringe (the one you use to dose out children’s Tylenol), it’s just like this. Nothing scary about that, right?"

God I’m stupid sometimes. First of all, my son did not appreciate the word “shot”. Take note. Use the word “vaccine” instead - it doesn’t conjure up images of a gun blast to the upper arm. My children are cursed with my over-active imagination apparently.

Secondly, don’t lie to your child. Obviously, don’t tell them the truth either – that SHOTS can sting like a son-of-a –bitch. Just don’t show them a harmless syringe and lull them into a false sense of calm. Upon seeing the needle at the doctor’s office my son screamed and pointed an accusatory finger at me. “What? Are you kidding? You didn’t tell me there was going to be a PIN in it!?” Guess it took him by surprise. He’s like me. He likes to be prepared. My bad.

He also didn’t appreciate the nurse’s trickery. “Why did she tell me to look at the polar bear poster? She was trying to trick me! When I turned my head, she stuck that pin into me! Why would she do that?”

Right after the injection I asked my son if it hurt.
He said, “No actually. It didn’t really hurt at all.” Then he was walking on air because 1) it was over 2) he was all proud of his bravery 3) we were off to get the candy I promised him after his SHOT

As we left the doctor's office...

Me: Are needles that bad?
Him: No. Not at all.
Me: If you had to get another one, would you be afraid?
Him: Nope. Not at all.
Me (In my head): Phew. Thankfully I won’t have to battle with him about this in the future. My god I’m a fantastic parent.

If I were to do it over again, I would have taken a brief video snippet on my camera of that verbal exchange. I really wish I had, because somewhere over the course of this year, my son has developed a paralyzing fear of shots...ahem, I mean, vaccines. He is terrified. If only I had evidence to show him that there really isn’t anything to be afraid of. Well, in terms of the injection itself that is. Personally, the thought of the H1N1 vaccine to me is indeed terrifying, hence the giant controversy. But, he doesn’t need to know anything about that. I am doing enough worrying for the both of us (and them some).

Keep healthy everyone!

Hugs and kisses

Lisa

Oh wait, hugs and kisses are out of the question this season. Oops.

Sending you a big ol’ high five instead. Hang on - absolutely no contact. So those are out too.

Ok then, I’m waving at you from afar, with a smile on my face (though you’ll just have to take my word for it since you can’t see it underneath my mask).

A Message For My Friend

There are so many joyful things in this life. A laugh between friends that leaves you teary eyed and breathless is one of them. I can always count on my friend Sarah for one of those laughs. I am thankful that she is part of my life. She’s a friend, but also part of our family.

Last week Sarah’s dad died, suddenly and tragically and too soon. It's heart wrenching to witness somebody you love going through something so painful.

Our family stayed with Sarah and her parents last summer in Nova Scotia. Her father Gene, was a warm and lovely man. I called him “Gampy Gene”. Sarah laughed hysterically – it was actually “Grampy.” I liked the sound of Gampy better, so I stuck with it. Gene didn’t seem to mind.

When my son heard that Gene had passed away he was quiet. Then he said, “Gene showed me the deers in his yard. He’s the one who told me what ticks are. You hafta watch out for ticks.”

He asked, “Is Sarah sad? Did she cry?” It’s funny how kids gauge the gravity of a situation by how upset adults are and if tears are involved. “Yes. She did.” I told him.

I didn’t tell him that I did too. I cried for Sarah. For her two boys who were robbed of their Grampy. For Val, who lost her husband and her best friend.

There are so many joyful things in this life, but at times it is hard to remember that.

My heart goes out to you my dear friend. Please know that we are here for you. If you need a shoulder, somebody to listen or hopefully soon, someone to make you laugh one of those teary eyed, breathless laughs again.

Hugs.

Lisa xo

Thank You

When my friend Laura (@fathomco) described the joys of Twitter I thought she was nuts. Thankfully I heeded her wisdom and logged on. Twitter has brought friendships, new opportunities and more support than I ever could have imagined. The validation, advice and comradery here have made this past year so much easier.

Thank you everyone for your caring support and friendship and offers to kick some old lady ass! (I now know I have many Louise's to my Thelma if I should ever need them!)

I appreciate the comments about me being a calm/restrained person, but in all honesty, I'm not. I may have kept a lid on it this time, but I don't always. Like the time I caused a scene and started sobbing in the Dollar Store. Sometimes it's just easier to ignore stupidity. I have learned to choose my battles. This woman was not worth it.

This was not the first and likely not the last run in with people like this. This woman was a moron, no question. However, at least she asked me about my child instead of simply staring. What I didn't mention in the previous post was that there was a mother, my age, with a baby sitting across from me, listening to every word and staring. I searched her face for a sign of support or at least an "eye-roll" in the old hag's direction. Nuthin. And she was a mother,like me. I don't get it.

Anyway, thank you my friends. Your support means so much you can't even imagine.

Hugs,

Lisa

Words...

The letter M isn’t very commanding on its own. And an E flying solo has very little influence. But when united in a word, they become powerful. I love words. I’m aware that I talk more than the average person and I don’t even say half the things I'm thinking at any given moment. I suppose this is why I enjoy blogging - it's like a shunt, releasing the pressure of the words in my head.

Anyway, words. Words are beautiful when crafted by someone with a kind heart. Words can soothe when spoken by a gentle soul. But words wielded by the ignorant and tactless can be painful.

Last week my daughter happily drew lines on a chalkboard in our doctor’s waiting room. A woman sitting beside me asked how old my girl is.

When I told her, she said, “Awfully small for three isn’t she?”

The response in my head was, "Ya? Well you’re awfully stupid for 60!” What I actually said was, “Yup. She’s our little girl.”

As DD drew, she and I communicated using signs. The woman leaned over and asked, “Does she talk?” I explained that she has a speech delay, but is a proficient signer. This woman then told me her sister worked at a school with kids more “far gone” than my child. Far gone? Are you f*cking kidding me? She went on about how important it is to catch “these kids” early if they’re going to have any chance at all.

“So, would she be considered special needs then?” she asked.

I would have preferred to slap her but instead, answered her. “I guess, but we just think she’s special.”

I didn’t believe this woman intended her words to be hurtful, she was simply stunned. With that in mind, I was able to let it go.

...Tactless ignoramous! Ok, NOW I’ve let it go.

What? You want my autograph?

Last month I had the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone (like, WAY out) and film a segment for YMC T.V.
The "behind the scenes" blog is here (with a link to the video segment).

If Erica had asked me to do this years ago, despite her Ninja mind tricks of persuasion, I would have flat out said, "NO FRICKEN WAY am I doing that!"

But, after the recent upheavals and subsequent adjustments to the course my life has taken - I'm changed. Not dramatically. Not even detectable by most, but just enough to be able to embrace the cliche, "life is short." Really it is. Think about how many opportunities we forgo because of discomfort or unfounded fears. I knew that there was a very strong possibility that I would fall on my face and look like a complete ass working in front of a camera. I did screw up a few times in fact and said "ok" way too much, but the world didn't end. It turned out ok. Shit. Said it again. Don't you hate when you latch onto a word and it becomes your security phrase when you're nervous or tired or stunned?

I'm glad I didn't allow the fear of looking ridiculous (because you'd think I'd be used to that by now) stop me from experiencing something new and challenging and fun!

I watched the clip with my husband and 6 year old son last night. We howled. Later when I was doing the dishes, my husband asked me to put on the kettle to which I replied, "Uh, do you know who I am? I'm a total celeb now. I'm not putting the kettle on for you. In fact, why am I even doing the dishes? Shouldn't I have "people" for that?" He rolled his eyes. Apparently he's not that impressed by my fame. ;)

This morning, during the mad rush to get to school I "gently" reminded my kids to HURRY UP and stop fooling around or we'd be late. My son whispered (loudly - you know how little kids do that yell-whisper thing) to his sister, "Mummy's bossy 'cuz she's famous now." Bah! That made me laugh out loud. Silly boy, I've always been bossy!